why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
