the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
