Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
