How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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