im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
