Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
