Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
