Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
