Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
