I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
