I wish I could teleport
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm way too hungover for life right now
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
