Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
