Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
