They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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