she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
