I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
