Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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