yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
