Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Randomize
