I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
