let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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