just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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