i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
