Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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