No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
