mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
