I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
