On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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