she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
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