look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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