My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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