I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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