hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
