so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
