No stitches, just platelets and will power
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
