One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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