East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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