Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
