Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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