I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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