Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
