Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i need some magic done to my vagina
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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