Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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