I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
