if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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