I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
