The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
