I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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