even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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