Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
